What Happens When Evolution Meets Dating Apps?
A look at our primal dating instincts.
Book Giveaway!
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This Week’s Music for Grooving
Check out some of the recommendations from this week’s episode.
Dating in 2026 feels broken.
The apps promise infinite choice, rom-coms on our screens promise “the one”, and yet frustration, ghosting, and mismatched expectations seem to be more normal than anything actually working out. This week, we explore why dating in the modern world feels so unstable and why many of today’s relationship struggles aren’t personal failures, but predictable outcomes of our ancient instincts clashing with modern environments and expectations.
Tim Ash, author of Primal Dating, joins us to add a little evolutionary psychology and behavioral science to the world of romance and wooing. Things get steamy as we unpack how the human mating strategies of hunter-gatherers still influence attraction, jealousy, commitment, and choice today. We’re getting to the bottom of what makes love work and what helps it fall flat - from pair bonding and sexual marketplaces to life-stage mismatches and the illusion of infinite options - biology is subtly driving our behavior even with the influence of apps and cultural norms.
Should we reframe love itself? Is love a permanent state that should last forever, or is it a powerful, biological mechanism designed for survival? We swear our Behavioral Grooves team wants your Valentine’s Day filled with adoration and sweet nothings. Still, we wouldn’t be scientists if we didn’t playfully challenge the idealized narrative about what relationships should be, and instead, offer a more grounded and compassionate framework for understanding ourselves, our partners, and the realities of modern romance.
Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube Channel
Love Potion?
Romantic love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a combination of three very distinct biological systems working together in our brain. Lust, attraction, and long-term attachment.
Lust is driven by testosterone and estrogen and motivates sexual desire.
Attraction is a dopamine and norepinephrine hit that causes excitement and the main emotion we associate with that “falling in love” feeling.
Long-term Attachment relies on oxytocin and vasopressin which both support bonding and partnership over time.
These systems work together, but not always at the same time. They can last for different lengths of time, fade independently, and intensify all on their own. That’s why love feels involuntary, why passion changes over time, and why relationships can feel confusing if nothing is “wrong”.
Is the “Spark” a Myth?
In our February throwback episode, we’re revisiting one of our favorite conversations about of love, attraction, and modern dating. Check out an oldie but a goodie where we sat down with Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, to talk about the myths and facts that surround modern dating.
Housekeeping
If you want to know more about today’s guest or this week’s grooving, check out the links below!
Primal Dating by Tim Ash and Dr. Limor Gottlieb
And don’t forget to join the conversation with us in our Facebook Groove Community